Kat Stark - Yelling in Pasties

Kat Stark - Yelling in Pasties

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Twenty years into her marriage, Kat and her husband faced head-on the great underlying fear of most monogamous people: My partner wants to have sex with other people. For them, that truth led to a rollercoaster of new sexual and romantic adventures...

Rejection Suxxor

My First Lady Date

02 Apr 2015 | by Kat Stark | Blog

Went on a date on Tuesday with a woman from okcupid, and although we had a nice time chatting, I could tell by the end of the date as we said goodbye that she really wasn't feeling it. We hugged and as she was unlocking her bike, I mentioned that we could get together again and she said, "Yeah," in this really strained, high-pitched voice and I realized that she was saying all kind of no.

I attempted to shrug it off as I walked away, though I was pretty embarrassed and got a little teary-eyed under my sunglasses. I mean, there were a lot of things that likely wouldn't have made us compatible, but it still sucks to be judged as wanting by a potential partner. She was really pretty and I had a good time chatting with her, but I often talk too much when I'm nervous, and I'm guessing that was off-putting.

I've never actually dated a woman, and don't have any idea of how to do it, either, so it's probably all for the best, but rejection sucks, even if (and possibly more so when) you're not sure you wanted the person who's rejecting you.

After a couple days, just to make sure it wasn't my anxiety telling me lies, I wrote her a text to check in. I told her that I'd enjoyed meeting her, but got the sense at the end of our date that she wasn't feeling it. I wished her the all the best, if that were the case. She answered nicely, but admitted she hadn't felt any chemistry. She ended the text with 'Good Luck.'

Now, I'm sure she meant that in the nicest possible way, but my brain quickly converted those harmless, possibly kind words to read: 'Good luck finding anyone who'd want you.'

It rattled me more than I expected and I had to stop myself from tearing up again at work. Admittedly, tears are my first reaction to any intense emotion, but it seemed so silly to be crying over someone I wasn't sure I was into.


Hopefully that thicker skin is coming in the mail any day from Amazon.

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