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AudiobookTwenty years into her marriage, Kat and her husband faced head-on the great underlying fear of most monogamous people: My partner wants to have sex with other people. For them, that truth led to a rollercoaster of new sexual and romantic adventures...
I had no idea how much zing I'd get from the 'Yes, Ma'am' he gave me as I walked out of the room to use the washroom, instructing him that I expected him to be on his back and ready for me when I returned, despite his shaky limbs.
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We began the night with social time, drinks and food as people arrived and got the chance to meet people they didn't know. We lined up all the toys on the mantle and enjoyed the colourful plethora of options on display.
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Intimacy is incredibly difficult for me. Talking and socializing and revealing myself personally is much more intimate and vulnerable than sex is for me. I definitely need to feel like I have a social rapport before I have sex, but basically once I've established the other person I'm attracted to isn't a psycho, or a Republican, I'm good to go.
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I would expect the freaking-out nerves to desensitize to stimulation with repetition but each experience they react like they've never been touched before, my leg goes numb, I panic and can't imagine how it could ever feel good, unless I wait and breathe through a two-hour process and we eventually get to it feeling great.
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Emboldened by my uncharacteristic bravery, I kept channelling it and once we'd moved into the play space, I asked a fully-dressed guy I didn't know very well if he thought he was wearing too many clothes and if he wanted me to help remedy that. He did want that. Shortly after, when the first few people got completely naked, I did the same.
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One of the main things I'd been excited about exploring when we started our non-monogamy journey was my uncharted kinky side. Flick and I had done a small amount of experimenting over our relationship but it was limited in scope and hadn't happened for approximately a decade.
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Iris and I asked around to various women we know to see who might be interested in such shenanigans and were able to gather a group of five adventurous souls who were down to fuck me senseless.
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Curse you, green-eyed monster! I was so smug that I'd beaten you. Turns out you don't go down without a real fight.
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