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AudiobookTwenty years into her marriage, Kat and her husband faced head-on the great underlying fear of most monogamous people: My partner wants to have sex with other people. For them, that truth led to a rollercoaster of new sexual and romantic adventures...
As I watched Flick pack the afternoon before he left, I started to feel the pangs as it really hit me that he was going on this adventure without me. It felt really weird that he was going to be having big new experiences on this trip with someone else.
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Sometimes a relationship doesn't work the way you think it will. Sometimes you go into something expecting it to look and feel a certain way, travel a certain path, and as you go, it turns out that is not what you (or the other person(s)) wanted after all.
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I have a tendency to always try to be Super-Compersion Poly Barbie™ so when I feel hurt by situations or requests from partners, it is extremely difficult for me to express my 'failure'
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One of the main things I'd been excited about exploring when we started our non-monogamy journey was my uncharted kinky side. Flick and I had done a small amount of experimenting over our relationship but it was limited in scope and hadn't happened for approximately a decade.
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Curse you, green-eyed monster! I was so smug that I'd beaten you. Turns out you don't go down without a real fight.
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I felt extraneous and in the way of him finding fun so I pulled way back, and essentially avoided him. It was not the right call for me.
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I hadn't thought about what it might be like for someone watching the snapshots of my life shift so dramatically, showing my life was anything but "the usual" I was describing.
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I get the feeling that maybe I'm supposed to want more than I do, more chat time, more skype time, more date time.
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